•INTERPERSONAL LOVE AND HATE
•Interpersonal love is related to hate in many ways. It is commonly said that love can easily turn into hate and yet it is known the two activities are complementary. We therefore set to examine the relationship between the two in this paper. We find out the characteristics that they could be sharing that make them look alike and yet we know they are not. We shall outline the characteristic of both in detail.
When we say we love somebody, what do we mean? Similarly when we say we hate somebody what do we mean?
Love and hate involve serious emotions and where emotions are involved rationality is not guaranteed. One who loves is always in a state of ambivalence as is commonly known. A state where both positive and negative valence, thoughts and actions manifest themselves at the same time. If they are in agreement then we say we love, otherwise we say we hate . Human involvements many a times contain uncertainty or a state of indecisiveness. When you are not sure then you are carried along by other peoples’ thoughts and ideas. When they turn out to be at variance with your expectations then you become unhappy and start to re- evaluate your stand as to whether your views are still valid. Have we not seen two married couples divorced today and re-united the following day? Even when people loose intimacy today, there still exists some passion or commitment to one another. It can also mean something one would die for , example a in a family, loving somebody means:
• You have intense feelings of affection for him or her. You always want to be physically close.
• When you are in the company of a lover you can satisfy your emotional needs
• You can ignore your personal needs to satisfy theirs
• You can physically feel there is a bond tying you together
From a philosophical stand point we live for one major purpose, that is to love and to be loved and it is always our source of happiness. We must accept to experience love rather than give abstract definitions of it. It is not possible to say every thing about love because there is so much to say. Nobody really understands the chemistry behind love. We cannot say at times why we love this and hate this person. However I wish to give you a story as a conclusion about love. “ There once existed a two year old grandson of a Mr Menya, who found a young girl of his age. They would always walk together, eat together, sleep together and do things together. He always found separating the two toddlers difficult and wondered what was going on That they knew what they were doing was never doubted. There was something mythical about the chemistry binding them together at that tender age. Do you think they loved one another? If they did then what characteristics of interpersonal love existed between them?
Alan Lee identified six theories used by people in interpersonal relationships:
• Appearance known as eros
• Being playful known as Ludus
• Love brought about by similarity in behaviour (storge)
• pragmatic love
• romantic love known as mania
• spiritual love known as agape
Hate: It is defined by many as immense feelings of dislike toward someone or something, so much so that you become prejudiced in your judgment about their true nature. Examples include racism and bigotry against a class of people. Psychologists explain that the major cause of hate if fear, fear of the unknown. It makes humans exhibit xenophobic tendencies . When president Bush attacks Iraq for example he can give all manner of excuses to defend his actions that are driven by hate. Dangerous nuclear plants and so on. But the major cause of his hate is fear. Fear of another November 11th attack. When a lover kills another for love turned into hate, investigations always reveal jealousy to be the major cause of the hate. What is jealousy and how it related to love which has turned into hate?
Jealousy: is defined as the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. It is a complex emotion that fall in the group of joy and anger. It is not merely sensory shown by a character shown by rational elaboration and instinct, but is truly a complex. It is therefore understandable why it is a brother of love, since it can last much longer that anger without losing its original intensity.
Having defined hate we can start to see the relationship between hate and love. That relationship being:
? Both are controlled by immense emotional involvement
? They last for a longer time
? They are controlled by the inner psychotic nervous system
In this discussion we have highlighted the characteristics of interpersonal love and we can confidently say they are not similar. However we have tried to explain why when one stops to love then hate steps in. You cannot exhibit both behaviors at the same time . However, the discussion has given through examples why they are actually brothers from same mother and father. We can therefore see why wherever and sometimes whenever there is hate, love could have existed there too.
This discussion should go along way to explain why people who loved one another for example married couples, when they turn to hate one another many cultures do not readily accept that they divorce but rather give them a period to reflect on their emotions. Should they reach at the same verdict later then may be they can be allowed to divorce. Other cultures, religions only reach as far as separation. They say love is God given and cannot be separated by man. “What God has joined no man can put asunder”.
2 Kay, Paul. “What Is the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis?”. American Anthropologist, New Series, Volume 86, No. 1, March, 1984. pp. 65-79
3) Emanuele, E. Polliti, P. Bertona P, Bianchi, M. Minoretti M., & Geroldi, D. (2005). “Raised plasma nerve growth factor levels associated with early-stage romantic love.”. Psychoneuroendocrinology, Nov. 09.